How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
How does one acquire holy water?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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