I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
whose parrot is this?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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