i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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