I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
