I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
