You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you would pick up someone in the library
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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