a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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