I want to have your abortion
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
