His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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