Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
