God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
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It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
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What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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