I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
