Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
