I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
