Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
