Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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