Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
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You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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