No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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