you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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