My underwear smells like fireworks.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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