bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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