I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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