How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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