Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Are we in a gay sports bar?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
