The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
