He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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