after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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