after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
