So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
