Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
