i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Sext me about skeletons
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
