just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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