The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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