How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
