You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
