Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I have aggressive nipples.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
