I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
