Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
