just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
