then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm sobbing to NWA
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
