You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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