Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You pole danced in your parka.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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