Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
