Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
