if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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