When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
