Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
