I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
