So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
