I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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