Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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