I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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