Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
