the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
