i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
