We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
