Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize