Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
