Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
