I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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