WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
