last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
