the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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