He had one of those small greek statue penises
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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