Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
