you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
