Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
