the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
