drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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