the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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